Don't Mess With His Neighborhood ...

All kidding aside, I have nothing but respect and admiration for Mr. Fred Rogers. Kind, humble and a true gentleman, I wonder what Mr. Rogers would make of today's television landscape--even PBS? I'm sure he would handle it in stride, with an eye towards making children's--and everyone's--lives better. I'm looking forward to the Mr. Rogers' documentary this summer. 

Television – The Punisher (Netflix)

*Slight Spoilers* 
How simple is the Punisher concept? A Special Forces soldier comes home from the war to his loving family. While on a picnic in Central Park, they get caught in the crossfire of a mob hit and are killed, he barely survives. Vowing revenge, the soldier devotes his skills to a new war, taking down violent criminals and mobsters in a variety of permanent ways. That’s the story of Frank Castle, Marvel’s Punisher. It’s so uncomplicated.

Not for Marvel TV though! Marvel TV has never met a creative concept they can’t mangle for politically correct television. I really looked forward to this show—how could anyone get it so wrong? First, these Marvel Netflix shows are too long! That is on them, Punisher could have easily filled a hundred episodes with the right ideas. Instead, Marvel TV is addicted to one major storyline (with several boring sub-plots to eat up time) over the magic number of 13 episodes. The first episode of Punisher is pretty good, the last is excellent. The rest drag like hell. Were the writers as bored as the rest of us? If they were it certainly shows.

Jon Bernthal rarely dressed as the Punisher

Actor Jon Bernthal’s performance as the Punisher is good. However, the writers have no idea who the character is. They are too absorbed with their themes of guns; good or bad?, American military veterans and shady government operatives. And NO ONE comes out well. While some of the characters and storylines are layered. ALL soldiers and former military are portrayed as insane, evil or suffering from PTSD. At least no one is all three. Well, except for the psycho serial killer who kills everyone he wants to before the Punisher fails to stop him. Oops, spoiler. The most weak and sniveling of these ex-military villains OF COURSE wears an NRA shirt. Is there any other way for a Marvel writer?

One of the most iconic symbols emblazoned on the Punisher is the painted skull he wears on his chest armor. It’s been a part of his gear from day one. It’s a big part of what makes Punisher the Punisher. Marvel TV loves to ignore everything that makes a hero iconic, so they pretty much do away with this too. I think he wears a half-painted skull on his chest in maybe two of the thirteen episodes. Marvel TV thinks all cool costumes or icons need to be limited to the last five minutes of a show’s last episode. Don’t want to fans to get any service, you know! That might cause them to watch it or recommend it to others. Conservatives might end up watching the show. Can’t have that!

The worst part of Marvel TV’s Punisher is the slow, unevenly paced storytelling. The first episode, where Frank Castle is reintroduced from his run on Daredevil, is all right. The last episode, where Frank takes on the military bad guy back in Central Park, in full Punisher regalia including his chest skull, is great. Of course in the show it’s the military, not the Italian mob, who kills Frank’s family, another stupid idea. Episodes 2 through 12 are not all terrible, but have little to do with the Punisher. We have military hijinks, Department of Homeland Security politics, highly corrupt government officials doing bad deeds, and endless yawn-inducing similar scenes. And what is the Punisher doing? Romancing a co-worker’s wife. Sitting in his concrete bunker and squinting menacingly. Oh, and in episode 8, Punisher and his partner Micro talk about their feelings for an hour and then Micro shows Punisher his penis. Really.

Writers, for a much better show, read a Punisher comic (something I’m not sure anyone connected to this show actually did). Doing a show the opposite way would have made for a much better experience. Make the main plot about the Punisher, and sub-plots about all the political intrigue. Make it more episodic—maybe Punisher against a different bad guy every few shows—and make the military thing the overall subplot that resolves in the last show. They could have done this and kept the first and last shows pretty much intact, while adding a lot more Frank Castle action along the way. But no, instead the audience has to be bored by endless sub-plots and social commentary, while the star sits in a bunker and looks at computer screens.

Overall the Marvel TV’s Punisher was a massive and boring disappointment. There were good moments along the way, and when it hit the fan things got violent and the right folks got punished. The Punisher even wore his skull once. But there is massive room for improvement here. Again, try reading any Punisher comic by Dixon, Ennis or Baron and just follow the outline. Is it really that challenging?  

Rating: **½ stars out of 5 

The Time I Met Chuck Norris

The eyes of a Ranger are upon you ... 

This past Sunday I was lucky enough to score a free pass to the Lexington Comic & Toy Show. I wasn’t going to go, but I checked the attendee list and one of the guests was the one and only Mr. Chuck Norris. Of course I grew up with Chuck Norris—Good Guys Wear Black, The Octagon, Silent Rage and the greatest movie ever made, Lone Wolf McQuade. Frankly, I was giddy about meeting the great one. The man who doesn’t sleep, he waits. A cobra bit Chuck Norris once. After three days of agonizing pain, the cobra died. This is the man.

After a pleasant Sunday drive to Lexington, I entered the con and headed for Chuck’s booth. The line was crowded but not that bad. I saw him from afar. Walker, Texas Ranger himself, smiling, shaking hands and signing autographs. From afar he looked like a young, middle-aged man, as if his 78^th birthday wasn’t the day before (it was). While I waited patiently, I struck up a conversation with one of his bodyguards, an armed, off-duty Lexington police officer in full uniform. I asked him about Chuck. He said he had been with Chuck all weekend, and he had never seen such a kind, involved, enthusiastic celebrity. Just what you want to hear about your hero.

I finally had the opportunity to approach Chuck. After a full weekend of being “on,” mixing with fans and pressing flesh, he looked like he was having the time of his life. I chose a photo to sign from his assistant, an Invasion U.S.A. photo of Chuck brandishing two Uzis. I stepped up to him.

“Hi Mr. Norris, I’m Jerry.”

“Hi Jerry!” said the man.

He took my photo, turned it around and started to sign in a tight, readable script. Chuck would not have prospered in medical school.

“Can you sign it ‘to Jerry’?” I asked.

His assistant butted in and told me signature only. Celebrities have different rules about this—Adam West would only personalize with a specific name, which I didn’t want at the time. For the man, I wanted the world to know Chuck Norris signed a photo directly to me. Oh well, that’s life.

I engaged Chuck. “Lone Wolf McQuade is my favorite Chuck Norris movie!” I squealed like a 12-year-old schoolgirl meeting Justin Timberlake. He smiled and said “Oh yeah?” “Yeah!” I replied. “If you have time I can quote all the dialog from beginning to end,” I joked. He smiled and handed me my photo.

“It’s been a total pleasure to meet you, Chuck.” I said. He smiled like a kid and stuck out his hand. I shook hands with Chuck Norris. Read that suckers! I shook hands with Chuck Norris!

“Tell your buddy I said hi,” said Chuck.

Without missing a beat I said, “Thanks, I will!” I walked away holding my photo. Eventually it occurred to me that I didn’t know what in the world he was talking about. I racked my brain. What buddy? Was the great one confusing me with someone else? After thinking about it, I think the noise of the convention hall messed with Chuck’s hearing a bit. I think he must have thought I told him Lone Wolf McQuade was my buddy’s favorite movie. Not sure why I would say that, but he must have thought he meets all kinds, so what? Anyway, I can now divide my life into two parts—before I meeting Chuck Norris and after meeting Chuck Norris. This part is definitely better!

And yes, I realize I only survived the encounter because Chuck Norris let me live. 

Contrast: Kirk vs. Picard

From the February issue of Previews, a peek at McFarlane Toys’ new Star Trek action figures. I think this brilliantly contrasts the differences between Captains Kirk and Picard. Kirk is the warrior/diplomat. He comes with a communicator and a selection of weapons. Picard is a pinky-lifting surrender monkey, whose accessories include a flute and some kind of male marital aid. 

Yeah, that’s about right.